Boyhood is an attempt
at climbing as high as the stars. And once forgotten one is still
climbing. I am looking out at the street from my window through glass
that ripples and has bubbles but is always clean. I have many
friends, but I am always up before them watching the street for the
first to emerge. I never am out first. On most Saturday mornings the
sun glints against the windows on the other side of the street
blanking them out and sometimes hurting my eyes.
On some mornings
when it's raining the Astoria, Queens summer streets are steamy and
bathed in purple light while streams run along the gutters with bits
of paper racing to the sewers. Behind me through the open window in
the bathroom I hear the water running down the drains and splashing
into the courtyard and as the drops get slower I know when the rain
is over.
I sometimes have
to wait a long time for Billy K. I can't say his last name but I like
the name "Billy K" because it reminds me of the cowboy,
Billy the Kid. Billy K still is missing two teeth in front. Mine
came in real early before I was seven. Billy and I go to the library
a lot. I never went to a library before Billy K. I didn't know
there was such a place. The first time I was there I was scared.
"They're
going to give me books for free, Billy?"
"That's what
they're supposed to do."
The way Billy said
it, I was expecting to be called stupid or silly. But he never said
anything to make me feel bad. Billy K was a quiet boy and mostly we
sat on his stoop and looked at books or played Go fish or talked
about the war that had past us almost before we were born as if we
were old men who lived through it all. Billy did most of the talking
especially about his father who was in the war, but who I never saw.
Still I didn't
always play with Billy K and one day when I walked past him to go
down the block to where Larry and Dennis lived, he looked up at me
with those missing teeth showing and said, "Want to go to the
library today?"
"No. Not
today Billy. Today I'm playing a different game."
"With who?"
"You know
Larry and Dennis?"
"I don't like
them. They always pick on me." He said.
"They don't
pick on me. They like me. Dennis showed me his father's Japanese
rifle that he got during the war. We always play war." Billy
smiled up at me, a knowing smile, and then looked down at the ground
between his legs and I walked by.
One morning on my
way to school I walked past Billy K's stoop hoping to see him come
bounding down arms flapping and book bag by the handles. There was a
truck opposite his stoop and a ramp touched the street from a door in
its side like a great tongue. Two men were struggling up the ramp
with a green plastic covered couch. Billy K was standing next to the
stoop watching not dressed for school.
"You're going
to school today, Billy?" I asked.
"No. Today
I'm moving."
"So you're
going tomorrow?"
"I don’t
know, probably."
"Where are
you moving to?"
"I don't
really know. . . I think the Bronx."
"Where's
that, around the corner?"
"It's around
lots of corners far away, maybe as far as
Japan."
"That far? I
won't see you then tomorrow?" I asked.
"Can you go
to the Bronx?" he asked.
"The Bronx? I
don't know. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Can you come here?"
"I'll come if
my mother lets me. I know this place pretty good." Billy said.
"Ok. Goodbye
Billy, I have to go to school. I'll see you then. Maybe we can go to
the library."
"Yeah, ok.
Goodbye," he said. "I hope I see you some place."
I never saw Billy K
again.